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A sad, sad sign of the times

January 20th, 2008

Shortstack is standing at the end of the dining room table, admiring a quarter he’d just received. 

‘Hey!  Guys!  Look!  Come look!  This quarter is actually made at the US Mint!!!’

‘Of course it is, sweetheart.  Where did you think it was made?’

‘I don’t know–maybe the China Mint?  Almost everything is made in China.’

 

I *heart* Mad-Libs

November 12th, 2007

“Once there was a carrot named Chris who loved to chirp like a bear. One day, Chris went to the park to get some green pears for lunch. On the way, Chris met a piano walking on his eye who introduced himself as Annie. They decided to go to the park together when suddenly they heard a loud gurgle and pizza started to fall from the sky. ‘YAY!’ They yelled, and swam until Easter.”

Name Changes

April 27th, 2007

Last night at dinner:

‘What’s wrong? Why aren’t you eating?’

‘I’m just trying not to eat like a race horse for once.’

‘Why start now?’

‘Yeah, Mom—you usually eat like a vacuum cleaner!’

‘We’ll just have to start calling her Hoover.’

**short pause to explain that Hoover is a popular brand of vacuum**

‘Then you guys can call me ORECK!’ (‘That’s a type of vacuum, too. They come in red, blue…’)

This morning before school, neither of us can let it go:

‘We’ve had a week of good mornings, haven’t we Oreck?’

‘Hey! We can call the baby Rainbow. You’re Oreck, Mommy’s Hoover, and I’m just a sucker!’

Shortstack is not nearly as amused as we’d thought he would be. It appears that the Daddy and I both are mere carriers for the recessive ‘being able to let things drop before you take them that extra step to far’ gene. Oh well. If he can’t manage to embarrass himself, we’ll take care of it for him!

Backseat Boys

May 13th, 2006

Shortstack had a friend come home from school with him for the first time yesterday. Here are some of my favorite quotes (the ones that I can remember, at least…) from the afternoon. Unfortunately, there is no way to recreate the boys’ voices and inflection. I was in stitches the entire time. Would it always be so entertaining if both kids were your own??? The boys were in the backseat playing with the sunglasses and hats they had:

‘We are stylish.’ ‘We like to be stylish.’ ‘We like to be stylish to be/for _____. ‘ (this continues back and forth for a minute or two) ‘We like to be stylish to be silly.’ (pause) ‘But L, you already ARE silly…’

Also in the car:

‘I am an elephant. Do I look like an elephant? You look like an elephant.’ ‘Let’s be elephants. ( hands and fingers held up like tusks…) I’m going to charge your mama.’ ‘GET THAT MAMA!!!’

The boys had an in depth discussion about colors. After going back and forth for a while, this was how it ended:

‘I like ALL the colors in the rainbow. Even pink. But pink isn’t in the rainbow.’ ‘I like pink, too. Shortstack’s mom, did you know pink is the new boy color?’

Shortstack’s Favorite Instant Breakfast

April 30th, 2006

A few weeks ago I made some mock sushi for Shortstack’s birthday snack at school. You’d think we lived in some desolate place because my fear of running out of ingredients causes me to seriously overbuy just about everything. That is, IF I actually get all of the ingredients on the list. But I digress… I just hadn’t put all of the leftovers in the higher cabinet yet.

Fast forward to this morning when I wake up and wander into the kitchen lamenting the fact that we didn’t buy a coffemaker with a timer (Schedule? Schedule? What’s that? School was and continues to be a serious kick in the pants for us as far as getting going in the morning goes.) Shortstack proudly tells me he made his own “instant breakfast” and offers to make me some. Here’s his secret recipe. Shhh, I didn’t tell you!

1 questionable amount of swedish fish
1 questionable amount of gummy worms
1 fruit roll up

Put all ingredients in bowl and mix. Enjoy!

Looking on the bright side, at least he’s got plenty of energy this morning… At least it’s a Saturday!

is this thing on?

April 8th, 2006

just working out the kinks

I Love You!

customer profiling

March 31st, 2006

I submit to you two scenarios from my recent visits to our favorite home improvement place. Improving home improvement indeed…


Scenario I

  • begin very messy, dirty project
  • run out of essential item, or realize it never made it on the list
  • head to Lowe’s looking like the Lizard Man’s bride;
    complete with no makeup, crazy hair, and grubby work clothes
  • search hopelessly for item; layout makes no sense, the store is rearranged yet again
  • try to maintain patience and focus on finding item
  • just one more aisle; there’s NOWHERE else it could possibly be…
  • give up solo search
  • admit need for help
  • text message husband and declare family holiday because I actually acknowledged need for help
  • multiple choice:
    1. can’t find living soul to help
    2. finally find someone to help and forget what the hell it was I needed in the first place
  • leave store empty-handed



Scenario II

  • get dressed; light makeup, khaki capris, nice shirt, & short red heels with hair neatly pulled back
  • go by Lowe’s to get some ideas and check out materials for a few projects
  • just browsing and checking prices; no need for any help at all
  • help? who needs help? not me!!!
  • spend more time shooing away people than actually looking for ideas and prices
  • leave store empty-handed




he won’t be going to Europe anytime soon

March 19th, 2006

Talk about a moment of randomness and ‘where the heck did that come from?’ During last week’s flu-fest, Shortstack ran into our room and declared that he was no longer on speaking terms with Batfrog. I was shocked, as he and Batfrog had become extra close over the past few weeks. ‘Batfrog said some things we don’t say in this family.’ Of course I asked what Batfrog said, hoping I could give it a little context and background explanation, just like I would if it were a buddy at school. Batfrog said, ‘Damn.’ ‘Oh. That is pretty bad…and you’re right, that’s not something we like to say in our family…’ followed by the usual parental yada-yada. Shortstack pipes in with, ‘But that’s okay in some families, like in France and Germany…’

Hey–At this point, I’m just glad he knows there are other countries out there.

our house

February 9th, 2006

I was catching up with our awesome neighbors yesterday afternoon when their preacher from the church around the corner from us happened to be jogging buy and started teasing the neighbor. I introduced myself and pointed to our house, saying we lived across the street.

‘oh, that’s the house with that happy little boy who’s always outside and the man who’s always out there with him, talking on the phone’

At first I was almost defensive, explaining that Papa Frog works from home and does indeed spend more than a decent amount of time on the phone. And then it struck me how awesome it is to live in the house with ‘that happy little boy.’ It’s an even more amazing feeling that people actually recognize our house by the happy little boy who lives there.

blinded by the light

February 8th, 2006

Shortstack walks in office with a stuffed tortoise from one of the Kohl’s Cares for Kids sets that came out a while back. The tortoise’s legs are covering his eyes.

‘Look, Mom! He can’t see. He’s been blonded!’

 
 

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